Ass Over Tea Kettle

2006-06-23T16:28:00.000-04:00

THIS JUST IN!

GO HERE: http://picasaweb.google.com/jelena/

it's the little things

2006-06-22T20:08:00.000-04:00

two hilarious things:

A) at the markham public libraries website, there are currently 214 holds for the RENT dvd.
B) facebook offered me the chance to meet hot ladies "in my area". Out of sheer curiosity i checked...and they were all simply in CANADA. :P

2006-06-22T09:51:00.000-04:00

I had this really wicked dream where Martha had painted her hair blue, and i was putting conditioner in my ears.

What do you think it means??

2006-06-21T14:32:00.000-04:00

Sooo I'm back. I'm back because there will be no more first lunches. I'm back because there will be no more Ms. Corry's class to see most of you in. I'm back because I got Facebook damnit, and lure of blogger was too strong.

School finished today. I never feel nostalgic when I'm supposed to. Everybody was all teary, and I just stood there feeling guilty about not being teary. Ugh, it'll hit me eventually and it'll be awful. But now, EEEEE summer.

I have entire list of things I'm supposed to get done. Actually, they're not really things to get accomplished, just habits to form. So, I have a whole calendar of when I work, morning or evening shift, and when I'm supposed to go to U of T for writing workshops or welcome sessions. On top of that there's gym classes I should try and go to, and dinners that I promised my mom I'd make. It may seem like I'm hyperscheduling myself, but I need this, and I need it bad. I was sitting on my ass in front of the TV for most of last summer, and I can't stand to have that happen again. Also I need to do justice to the fact that I spend at a HUGE chunk of my time this year bitching about having to be in school and dreaming about all the exciting things I'd do during the summer.

Right now I have to go because I'm finally in the queue for the OSAP people after three bajillion minutes of waiting. Here a picture to commemorate my return: (sorry mok!)

2006-04-06T23:18:00.000-04:00

Guyssssssssssss

I have to write 5 journal entries, compose 3 poems, fill out a frad pic form and fill out an Mgear form all by NOW. Guh.

I watched the O.C. today. And, get this, it was kinda good. Seth makes me cry though. Why can't we all just tell the truth at all times?!!?!

I'm scared of the idea of soulmates.

2006-04-05T21:54:00.000-04:00

Youthful
Truthful
Trustful
Lustful

Ok, I forget the rest of Jason and my (my's?) poem, but that was the first half.

It rocked.

Sunscreen

2006-03-31T22:48:00.000-05:00

Oh weather. Oh warm sun kissed skin.

Actually, I went downtown today without sunscreen and now my face is reallllly itchy and my earns have turned a hilarious shade of red.

So, have you seen the bit on the news about sunscreen? Some important people are suing the sunscreen companies for misleading consumers. On the bottles, they state that they provide protection from the sun (i.e. sunBLOCK). This seems to be a problem because they only provide blockage from UVB rays, not UVA.

I think it's entirely counterproductive for this to be a huge public debate. Is has taken a loooong while for people to realize the benefits of sunscreen - this will only create uncertainty and unrest! Seriously, now those folks who were on the fench between sunscreening and not, will more likely choose NOT. This is awful! Why is it such a big deal?! Change the damn labeling quietly, don't draw attention to something that can't be fixed.

My point is, tobacco companies have done much worse in terms of false advertising - I don't think sunscreen can be put in the same category.

Hmph. There.

2006-03-29T22:38:00.000-05:00

so one time lisa and cooper made cheese bread. they managed to make cheese look like sunny side up eggs (not pictured).

2006-03-29T22:21:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here trying to put together my civs presentation, and it's going something like this:

"The toothfairy is a mythical representation of I'm getting some hot ass this weekend!"

.
.
.
I keep getting sidetracked.

I can't wait for this tidal wave of work to end. I can't wait for summer when I can read whatever I want - be it literature or beach trash. I can't wait to take midnight walks, to explore on my soon to be oiled rollerblades, to have time to make whatever Rachel Ray tells me to make...

Goddamnit you guys, it's gonna be great.

2006-03-27T21:27:00.000-05:00

I think what I need most is to get out of here. This place that has bred me to be the insolent, lazy-ass f*cker that I am.

I have not written. I don't have the words. I feel that if I write something stupid, it will belittle the importance of what's happening to me.

Which is actually what I need. Perspective, humour and support. Oh, and a slap in the face.

So, I came home from Greece. Amazing amazing amazing. Pictures to come. Minor disturbances, but nothing we can't all learn from.

I'm waaaaaay behind on everything that I have to do. School, Classics, life itself.

I got into an accident with not one but TWO other cars. I almost killed Devin. Sorry.

For a while I wished I had died.

I can't focus enough to write it all out because hanging over my head are at least 2000 words that have yet to be written in two different languages.

This sucks. And I only have myself to blame. More to come.

Pictures of my poor poor car are being uploaded as we speak.
SPEAK.

2006-03-05T18:01:00.000-05:00

Just got home from Angus Glen library and I can't stop smiling. Everything was so shiny and new! A lot of those books have never been opened! There were study rooms! And a Serbian dictionary!!

I think I have a hormonal imbalance. One second everything is awful and I just want to die, and the next, everything is coming up roses - even though nothing has actually changed.

ANYWAY, I came back with ten books. Mostly about Freud, urban legends and existentialism. Also, a book called Kokology. 'A series of psychological games designed to reveal your hidden attitudes about sex, family, love, work and more.' Some crazy Japanese guy wrote it. And invented it for that matter.

There were so many books I wanted to read, so many things I would love to learn about. But, I had to settle on only what was relevant to school. That SUCKS.

This summer, I plan to live at Angus Glen.

2006-03-05T00:16:00.000-05:00

These kids are infectiously happy. Yesterday I rudely invaded their time, (sorry!) but it was necessary. They sort of restore your faith in love.

2006-03-04T23:50:00.000-05:00

I have slept more today than any other day. Of my life, I think. It's awful. I even made a list of things to do. I guess all I can do now is rename it to Things I Should Have Done.

It's been a long long week. In a way, it's all been recovery from writing that essay all night. It threw me off man. That, and, the huge fight I had with my mom.

There was something about my data mark. Then something about my being lazy and awful. Then yelling about it being just math, and that I'm taking 8 courses so it didn't really matter. Then more yelling about me not being worth the money they'd be spending on university for me, provided I actually got in.

Then, cut to huge sobs, my mom apologizing like crazy, and me feeling like TURD.

I love my mom, and I wish I made her happier. I want her to know how much I love her, and how much I appreciate everything that they've done for my brother and me. They've given us everything, and in turn we're ungrateful and spiteful. It doesn't make sense. She's never apologized like that before. I feel bad because it wasn't her fault I was crying. It was out of frustration with myself, because I know everything she said about me being a lazy fucker was right. But now she feels bad and I feel awful and my dad's sort of helpless and angry. We're such a mess. When I leave, I'll be relieved that I'll be a purely financial burden.

3 A.M.

2006-03-02T03:20:00.000-05:00

I'm done. Dear goddess, why do I do these things to myself?!

I don't want to go to sleep for fear of what the morning will bring. Every bag under my eye will have its own story.

You know what the grrrreat part is? There are at least four more of these essay monsters to slay within the next month.

AHADGIORGJ PFGAN ERGPFGJA FH. GGGGGG.

2006-03-02T01:41:00.000-05:00

So, I'm done my profile about somebody I barely know.

Within the confines of 500 words I couldn't really get across what it is about him that inspires me. I came across sounding like a fangirl. Ms.T is going to hate me because it sounds exactly like the PR article we were not supposed to write. And I didn't even mention anything about his political ambitions, his inherent idealism, his accent, or his boyish good looks! Ha.

P.S. My bowels? Still a'churnin'.

2006-03-01T23:32:00.000-05:00

So I was talking to my basketball this morning, and it said, "Where the eff is SPRING?!" But it came of sort of like "whrrrfffsprrrg?!" because it was muffled by snow.

2006-03-01T23:17:00.000-05:00

My body is suffering because of my mind, I'm sure.

It's kind of like that time I was out past curfew with a boy who had yet to be approved. I thought I was getting an ulcer. He never did get approval.

Anyway, I drank coffee before I sat down to revise my English essay and do justice to someone in a profile. And caffeine does something funny to my bowels. I'll let you know how it goes.

I'm strangely optimistic about sitting here and doing my homework at the last possible second again. I realize now that "crunch time" is mostly in my head. It's not really how much I have to do that stresses me out, it's how afraid I am of messing up I guess. This is dangerous, I'm not exactly in that place where I can afford indifference. It matters and it matters lots.

Whatever, I have a nap scheduled for tomorrow.

2006-02-26T14:16:00.000-05:00

You know when you avoid doing something for so long that starting it so damn late is exponentially harder than it would have been in the first place and then when you start doing it, it starts going pretty well and you're like eff you self why didn't you just do it when you would have had the time to explore as these wonderful and limitless possibilities and now your angry and bitter and stressed instead and blaming the school system for not preparing you for anything when really your entire life is such a mess?

Yeah.

2006-02-26T01:27:00.000-05:00

I feel odd and restless.

I want to tell you that I love you and that I need you and that you've been there for me more than you'll ever know. But I can't find the words or the courage.

I want to tell you that I'm scared, that I feel like I can't handle it sometimes. But I'm afraid you'll misunderstand.

I don't want to lose you. I don't like the feeling of words unsaid, of slipping away, of heavy silence.

2006-02-23T21:56:00.000-05:00

I need to get out of here.

I'm not insinuating that my life here in cushy suburbia is horrible and this isn't a I-hate-my-parents post. It's just that I've outgrown this place. Coming back through this door every day does something to me. It drains me. It crushes me under the weight of responsibility and expectation. I want to be on my own, making my own decisions and mistakes. Everything I do here passes first my own judgement, then my parents'.

It's not just them either, it's this environment. It's breeding lethargy in me. There aren't really any negative consequences for anything, every is handed to me, and it's just not exciting or inspiring. There's only one person to blame - me - I know that.

But if my English ISP had taught me anything it's that a physical journey, a change of scenery, is necessary on any hero's journey to true happiness.

2006-02-17T22:53:00.000-05:00

I hate school and life and the whole bit, the insignificance of everything sort of gets to me. But that is another blog for another time.

Right now, I got my hair did. I cut off only an inch, but it feels HUGE. It felt like a weight, and it feels lifted. For a little bit, I get to feel glamourous and not so frumpy. It seems silly and superficial and....and I don't care.

Forget school, forget resposibility, forget the future I'm supposed to be so worried about.

2006-02-13T22:27:00.000-05:00

I feel beautiful.

I'm missing so, so many hours of sleep.

Dependant variables!

I need to find something to have an opinion about. It's so weird, I would define myself as rather mouthy and opinionated. But, now that I actually have to put something coherent down on paper...no dice. Stupid school making me prove that I'm as smart and eloquent as I make myself out to be. How dare it.

I wanna go home?

2006-02-07T23:35:00.000-05:00

Eff you apostrophes.

As early as 7am on the train on Friday morning, Mijana told me, "thank God we're not sharing a bed."

Later, I beat some sense into her. Hmph.

On a scale of 1 to 10, I would rate this weekend Awesome. Getting away from stupid smelly Markham for a few days made me so deliriously happy I can’t even describe it. I feel like a bit of a fraud. It's not like I have anything I should want to be escaping from. But I still feel so miserable so much of the time here. It's not angst. It's just a general dissatisfaction with everything around me. Actually, I myself might be the problem. I'm so sick of school and of responsibilities and of failing on both of those fronts. Well, not failing, just squeaking by with mediocre effort - which is worse.

Point is, this weekend I couldn't stop smiling for more than a minute at a time. The change of atmosphere, the physical distance from here, the dressing up, the fact that I had earned the money that got me there. I hope happiness doesn't consistently cost so much. I can only take so many $7 coffees.

It was all so glamorous. Everything from walking down the street in stilettos (ok, that sounds a little hookerish...), to hearing Michael sing "standards" in a "ballroom", to having bellboys and maids. HOWEVER, I disliked the atmosphere and crowd - consisting mainly of people over 40 with lots of disposable income. At one point some guy behind me complained about the gas prices for his yacht. For 20 MINUTES!

So, now I'm back, and nothing has changed. Stupid Jelena was waiting for Glamorous Jelena to come back the whole time, then clubbed her, and is now keeping her in the closet. I have a feeling I might break down by the end of March, if not as early as February, if I don't get my shit together. I don't know if I can. I need help, but am impossible to deal with. I've had people around me say that with alarming regularity.

2006-02-07T18:03:00.000-05:00

Blogger Plug-in for Word makes awful apostrophes.

‘’’’’’’’’’
test. test.

2006-01-29T22:05:00.000-05:00

http://1freecellphonesguy.blogspot.com/

This is absolutely ridiculous. Also, kind of hilarious. Who knew you could talk about free cellphones under so many different topics!

Everybody go flag it now. Now now NOW.

2006-01-29T22:01:00.000-05:00

2006-01-29T22:00:00.001-05:00

2006-01-29T22:00:00.000-05:00

It was like Hidalgo. Except the horse was an elephant and John and Chris were Viggo. Or the other way around?!?

2006-01-29T21:31:00.000-05:00

Went downtown with two very fine gentlemen.

I love wandering, I love sawarma chicken from shady shady places, I love free movies, I love posters for bovine love. I can't wait for next year. *hopes*

I don't know how I'll deal with being a number. There's a little more room in the crowd that is Markham, but the city could care less about another brat from the suburbs.

It sounds like I'm not giving myself enough credit. But if I were to feel much better about it, I'd be naive or too self-congratulatory. Being well adjusted takes so much effort.

2006-01-28T01:39:00.000-05:00

This picture was on the back of the Economist a few days ago. FOR SHAME.

2006-01-28T01:38:00.000-05:00

I need a removable net on my window so I can see the sunset properly and feed the birds. Oh, and, you know, go places and come back all stealthy-like.

2006-01-28T01:35:00.000-05:00

This is my beautiful beautiful baby. It keeps me sane through anything. It is blinding because it is a glorious shade of a white to renew my faith in the colour (shade) after all the halfass snow and ice. It smells like spring and it makes me want to...just sit back in quiet contemplation actually. Oi, I'm so lame.

Zip a dee doo dah, zip a dee day

2006-01-23T21:07:00.000-05:00

A fantastic book.
A romantic ideal.
A friendly greeting.
A done exam.
A beautiful tune.
A dish full of muffins.
An extraordinary mindweb.
A clarification.

It's a good day. This somehow justifies my not studying for data, heh.

On a hilarious note: standing at someone's locker today, I saw a picture of my boyfriend kissing some girl. This threw me a little bit (I'm a little bit of the jealous type, don't tell him.) So, what the hell is he doing kissing some other girl...

AHAHAH, it turns out it was me. I'm such a dope.

Unmindfulness

2006-01-22T19:38:00.000-05:00

I should be studying. I should be worried. I should be striving...or something.

Instead I am fantasizing. I am in my head. I am thinking about naked, sweaty things. Road trips. Screen printing. Buenos aires. Graphic Design. Hitchhikers. Letter openers. Home countries. Guitars. My name in print. My name in memory. China Rises. Harvest Moons. Gargamel. Stuffed manicotti shells. My ridiculous feminine instinct to cook for someone. Eating things off that someone. Shiny snow. Springtime weather. Melting ice caps. Stuart Mclean's crazy hair decades ago. Cheese Monkeys.

I am a failure. I am a smile.

2006-01-21T21:59:00.000-05:00

I want this week to be over. I want it to be enough that I've worked hard up to this point. I want to stop jumping through hoops.

I want to believe that the rest of my life won't be this banal.

Yeah, right.

Shit. Shit shit.

2006-01-19T20:04:00.000-05:00

I had a dream about Ian Patterson. He gave me French Vanilla coffee and left. Dude.

I didn't freak out about exams until exactly 9 o'clock this morning. Mr. Thompson started talking about Venn diagrams and at about the same time the full weight of EIGHT EXAMS hit me. That, and, I didn't know what he was talking about. Who is a math major? Who is a math and english major? Who took no english or math courses? Ahhh, so many circles!!

I am scared. Scared that my "I don't care, fuck the system" attitude is only going to get me so far. Actually, coupled with the fact that I'm a latent genius (haha) it will more likely send me to dreaded mediocrity. I haven't studied as much as I should have, I haven't done things on time, I've mouthed off to teachers who've given me deliciously inflated marks...and right now I just need someone else to blame.

After the dreaded Next Week, I need to see Guelph, decide if I want to see Carleton (read: go to Carleton), and check to see if the romance of Toronto has diminished for me. As it stands, I know nothing about Guelph except that it's pretty, Carleton has come into the running because I'm an easy sell, and I'm going a little iffy on Toronto. What would I do in the city? I'm not cool enough!

I need to come up with a story for Writer's Craft. Shitlickers!

Pillow Fight!

2006-01-17T23:06:00.000-05:00

Don't make any plans with me for the Feb.17th weekend. I'm going to a beautiful town where a beautiful boy will be waiting for me.

Eeeeeee!

What's the opposite of hind-sight..but not as far ahead as fore-sight? Anyway, in now-sight, I realize how absolutely amazing my parents are. They are trusting enough to send me to my boyfriend's for a sleepover. They are giving enough to send me to Greece for more money than I think I'm worth - mere months before dropping fifteen grand on my education (which may or may not come to good use.) They feed me gourmet-style. They are ridiculously good-looking.

The list goes on.

Hi Mom!

Bottoms up!

2006-01-16T21:46:00.000-05:00

At work, my duties include answering the phone, filing files, pulling files, stamping files and taking payments. Oh, and also wiping people down after the physios are done with them. They're attached usually to the IFC, and have strategically placed electrodes on their bodies, as well as tape and conductivity gel. My job is to take off the tape and electrodes, and clean the person up with a towel or paper towels.

Usually, it's no problem. Mostly people hurt their shoulders, backs, necks, etc. Sometimes (OK, only once) a cute frat boy came in (so I judge them shamelessly, so what?). He had hurt his hand, and my job got that much funner...cause I like totally got to hold his hand. And clean it. And stroke it.

Back to my point. Usually I make conversation and jokes with the people I'm...wiping. Today though, there was a man in a treatment room who would not look at me. It was the weirdest thing.

Until I realized he had electrodes on his bum.

Sir, I am sorry. I am sorry if my hands were shaking because I was trying not to laugh. I am sorry if I tickled you in any way. I am sorry that I am not really that qualified to touch bums. I am sorry if you were uncomfortable in any way.

But Sir, let me just say this: you have a glorious behind, and I can only hope - nay, wish! - that mine will be comparable when I am of that certain age.

Seriously, when they say soft as a baby's bottom, they were talking about this guy!

2006-01-14T16:24:00.000-05:00

So I just went to the bathroom. Everything was going great, until i stood up and saw a dead bug in the water.

I really really hope it was there before i sat down.

Friday the 13th

2006-01-14T14:28:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was the best superstitiously ironic day ever. Except for school, which has been licking butt lately. I'm vaguely worried about losing momentum and drive and all that. But for right now, I'm choosing to passively sit back and wait for it to get better. I'm all sorts of bad attitude.

Anyway, my office manager called me from work on Monday, and I didn't end up getting back to her until yesterday, being the avoidant mother I am. I have a needlessly guilty conscience though – I got a raise! Though it is only 25 cents, it still launches me that much further above minimum wage. It also gives me a bit of a superiority complex. Technically, that’s YOUR problem though. Hah.

There has also been rash of good and amazing university news. My backup has become Carleton, because they were crazy enough to get back to me before they saw my exam-affected marks. If it doesn't pan out with Toronto, I don't think I'd mind going all the way to Ottawa. The tunnels look kind of cool too. You could go to your classes in pajamas, in December!

2006-01-14T14:03:00.000-05:00

This is what we do in Data Management. For SHAME.

Heyoooo

2006-01-14T10:34:00.000-05:00

There is no header here, and as such, it has no aspiration of being Robert Smith.

I changed over because that's what I do. Kind of like that time I painted my room red. Maybe I'll take corset lady more seriously than Batwoman.

2006-01-14T10:26:00.000-05:00

I look like somebody with a secret lair.

2006-01-14T10:23:00.000-05:00

Remember that time we found a gym shirt in the desk? Ew.

2006-01-14T10:19:00.000-05:00

O_O

man oh man!

2006-01-08T16:01:00.000-05:00

bam! sucka